Take my life and let it be....
Life. It's a funny thing. I remember back in elementary school when I used to joke around with my buddies about how teenagers suddenly had so many worries in their lives and this culminated in the infamous MSN conversation starter: "So...how's life?"
We thought it was crazy and hilarious that these teenagers (ages 13-16) thought so they were so burdened that they might want to share their burdens with others to relieve themselves. Looking back on those times, I feel so blessed to have been so carefree, so happy-go-lucky. It's not that I'm complaining now, or feel as if my life has gone to the dogs because so many others have lives that are (by human standards) are worse off than me and my family.
How I've been feeling recently is a variant on the classic "The Lord gives each their share". This includes sufferings as well, each is given their share and each is given their share of blessings to go along with that. I know that the Lord does not give us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wonder the reality of that...I wonder if it's really true. Usually, there are some parts of my life where I can run to and feel safe in, some parts of my life that are still good and able to provide some comfort.
Maybe God is taking all that away so that I can really look to Him. This happened with my voice. When I lost my health, God allowed me to look up and keep my eyes focused on Him, yet I still had those parts of my life where I could run to for comfort as well. But it doesn't work that way anymore. God has taken a chunk of every part of my life so that I have nowhere to run anymore.
God has taken the health of my family, the finances of my family, the relations of my family, my education, the marks I received, my relationships with people and portions of my relationship. It sounds pretty bad, and it is. Each part of my life that I'd be able to run to before, God has taken away and forced my hand. I honestly have no clue what's going on and where I'm going to end up but one has to wonder about God's ultimate plan in this matter. What is it that God so desperately is trying to teach me, to glean from me, to force me to learn, that He feels it adequate to absolutely shatter my life?
I have faith that I'll find out soon. But sometimes it's just a little ridiculous, isn't it , God?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What does He want?
It's kinda funny...I was searching for a job in London. I was certain that God had led me, or revealed an opportunity to me to work at a certain firm. This company was Christian and mission-based with an office near my house. I thought "GREAT!", the opportunity would have been absolutely perfect; it was in my field of study, near my house, good pay, good experience and allowed me to serve the Lord in some capacity. But God is a funny guy.
I was rejected from the job after being strung along for about 2 months. The company representative continuously sent emails saying that it was too early to make plans. Naively, I continued to believe that the job was God-given and I would be able to land it easily. It's funny because God never seems to work the way we think, we have a tendency as Christians or people in general to put God in a box. We set parameters for Him to work in and anything outside that box, we immediately throw out as being from the "devil" or from ourselves. But how little we know Him! It's said numerous times in the Bible that the things of God are not for human understanding, we can't explain God, can't define God and can't fully know God.
I thought God had given me something, but He closed the door. That was a little painful but people say that God will open another door somewhere, somewhere God has provided me with the perfect place to work, or spend time during the summer. I find it hilarious that God has such a close hand in our lives and we as people continue to, albeit unknowingly, push that hand away. This goes into my books under the heading "God's a funny guy", I mean no disrespect and I'm sure God gets a kick out of it anyway.
I hate how people get so serious about it. Whenever I use that particular phrase it seems to offend people or something. Is it disrespectful to say something like that?
Anyway, the job hunt is still on and I've applied to a couple positions with the government that may see me moving out to Toronto for the next four months or so. To be honest, I'd rather not go and leave the comfort of my family/house/city I've grown up with but God leads us to strange places and even stranger adventures. Here's hoping and praying that the place God leads me will fit me and He'll let me know about it soon...I fear that my head will explode from all the stress...
It's kinda funny...I was searching for a job in London. I was certain that God had led me, or revealed an opportunity to me to work at a certain firm. This company was Christian and mission-based with an office near my house. I thought "GREAT!", the opportunity would have been absolutely perfect; it was in my field of study, near my house, good pay, good experience and allowed me to serve the Lord in some capacity. But God is a funny guy.
I was rejected from the job after being strung along for about 2 months. The company representative continuously sent emails saying that it was too early to make plans. Naively, I continued to believe that the job was God-given and I would be able to land it easily. It's funny because God never seems to work the way we think, we have a tendency as Christians or people in general to put God in a box. We set parameters for Him to work in and anything outside that box, we immediately throw out as being from the "devil" or from ourselves. But how little we know Him! It's said numerous times in the Bible that the things of God are not for human understanding, we can't explain God, can't define God and can't fully know God.
I thought God had given me something, but He closed the door. That was a little painful but people say that God will open another door somewhere, somewhere God has provided me with the perfect place to work, or spend time during the summer. I find it hilarious that God has such a close hand in our lives and we as people continue to, albeit unknowingly, push that hand away. This goes into my books under the heading "God's a funny guy", I mean no disrespect and I'm sure God gets a kick out of it anyway.
I hate how people get so serious about it. Whenever I use that particular phrase it seems to offend people or something. Is it disrespectful to say something like that?
Anyway, the job hunt is still on and I've applied to a couple positions with the government that may see me moving out to Toronto for the next four months or so. To be honest, I'd rather not go and leave the comfort of my family/house/city I've grown up with but God leads us to strange places and even stranger adventures. Here's hoping and praying that the place God leads me will fit me and He'll let me know about it soon...I fear that my head will explode from all the stress...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Some say that posting things online alleviates stress, allows you to live a happier life and helps you remember all those times you thought you were screwed and how you got through it...
Here's hoping.
There's not much to say and I won't really be posting too too often but I decided to start this up again for those of you who care to read.
In reading over posts from the past, I have a funny feeling. Hindsight is 20/20 but what would happen if we had better foresight? I mean...coming to university and getting my butt handed to me over and over again is not what I would call a motivator...but I was so wide-eyed and bushy-tailed in my old posts, so content with life and so happy. Then university changed it all. Sure, we're supposed to be learning more about ourselves and supposed to be having the best days of our lives...so why am I not?
Over the past couple years in university, I've hit the lowest points in my life. Times were I felt stupid, alone, scared, unsure of myself have been frequent. There have been times where I sat in my room and literally cried over the overwhelming pressure of school and the future that hinged upon the marks I received. I would stare blankly at a number that summed up my abilities and knowledge attained over a semester, a single two-digit number was all I had to show for the money, time and effort I put in.
Why is it like this though? That our money, sweat, blood, tears and other bodily fluids need to be sacrificed all for the sake of a few numbers on a page and a sheet of ornate paper? Do those things really tell people about ourselves? What we are worth, who were are and what we can do? There has got to be a better way. Sure, a degree is important and will net you a better job but why is it that way? What happened to earnestly hiring people who were suited to these jobs? What worth is a degree?
What sets apart someone with a degree in general arts from someone else? A piece of paper saying that you've passed a bunch of courses, congratulations. How does a degree prepare you for anything at all? Over 75% of people say that they do NOT use much of the information they gleaned from long nights at the library and long days spent in front of a computer typing.
University? What a waste of time. It's not the great educator of the masses...the thing that separates the higher-ups from the lower-downs. University is just a big filter for the world to categorize and judge the upcoming generations....to push them into roles that have been set into place before.
University? It's overrated and over privileged.
Yet, bearing this in mind, I still find myself sitting here and thinking about my assignments and things I need to get done. If this continues I don't see myself making it through 3 more years of this trash. People can tell me what they want, "try harder", "try this", "try that", and "maybe you should..."
It doesn't change anything. I've tried all of that, and this, and all the maybes. What works for you, does not work for me. Here's hoping that God meets me when I'm at my lowest because I might be there soon.
Here's hoping.
There's not much to say and I won't really be posting too too often but I decided to start this up again for those of you who care to read.
In reading over posts from the past, I have a funny feeling. Hindsight is 20/20 but what would happen if we had better foresight? I mean...coming to university and getting my butt handed to me over and over again is not what I would call a motivator...but I was so wide-eyed and bushy-tailed in my old posts, so content with life and so happy. Then university changed it all. Sure, we're supposed to be learning more about ourselves and supposed to be having the best days of our lives...so why am I not?
Over the past couple years in university, I've hit the lowest points in my life. Times were I felt stupid, alone, scared, unsure of myself have been frequent. There have been times where I sat in my room and literally cried over the overwhelming pressure of school and the future that hinged upon the marks I received. I would stare blankly at a number that summed up my abilities and knowledge attained over a semester, a single two-digit number was all I had to show for the money, time and effort I put in.
Why is it like this though? That our money, sweat, blood, tears and other bodily fluids need to be sacrificed all for the sake of a few numbers on a page and a sheet of ornate paper? Do those things really tell people about ourselves? What we are worth, who were are and what we can do? There has got to be a better way. Sure, a degree is important and will net you a better job but why is it that way? What happened to earnestly hiring people who were suited to these jobs? What worth is a degree?
What sets apart someone with a degree in general arts from someone else? A piece of paper saying that you've passed a bunch of courses, congratulations. How does a degree prepare you for anything at all? Over 75% of people say that they do NOT use much of the information they gleaned from long nights at the library and long days spent in front of a computer typing.
University? What a waste of time. It's not the great educator of the masses...the thing that separates the higher-ups from the lower-downs. University is just a big filter for the world to categorize and judge the upcoming generations....to push them into roles that have been set into place before.
University? It's overrated and over privileged.
Yet, bearing this in mind, I still find myself sitting here and thinking about my assignments and things I need to get done. If this continues I don't see myself making it through 3 more years of this trash. People can tell me what they want, "try harder", "try this", "try that", and "maybe you should..."
It doesn't change anything. I've tried all of that, and this, and all the maybes. What works for you, does not work for me. Here's hoping that God meets me when I'm at my lowest because I might be there soon.
Monday, February 02, 2004
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