Take my life and let it be....
Life. It's a funny thing. I remember back in elementary school when I used to joke around with my buddies about how teenagers suddenly had so many worries in their lives and this culminated in the infamous MSN conversation starter: "So...how's life?"
We thought it was crazy and hilarious that these teenagers (ages 13-16) thought so they were so burdened that they might want to share their burdens with others to relieve themselves. Looking back on those times, I feel so blessed to have been so carefree, so happy-go-lucky. It's not that I'm complaining now, or feel as if my life has gone to the dogs because so many others have lives that are (by human standards) are worse off than me and my family.
How I've been feeling recently is a variant on the classic "The Lord gives each their share". This includes sufferings as well, each is given their share and each is given their share of blessings to go along with that. I know that the Lord does not give us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wonder the reality of that...I wonder if it's really true. Usually, there are some parts of my life where I can run to and feel safe in, some parts of my life that are still good and able to provide some comfort.
Maybe God is taking all that away so that I can really look to Him. This happened with my voice. When I lost my health, God allowed me to look up and keep my eyes focused on Him, yet I still had those parts of my life where I could run to for comfort as well. But it doesn't work that way anymore. God has taken a chunk of every part of my life so that I have nowhere to run anymore.
God has taken the health of my family, the finances of my family, the relations of my family, my education, the marks I received, my relationships with people and portions of my relationship. It sounds pretty bad, and it is. Each part of my life that I'd be able to run to before, God has taken away and forced my hand. I honestly have no clue what's going on and where I'm going to end up but one has to wonder about God's ultimate plan in this matter. What is it that God so desperately is trying to teach me, to glean from me, to force me to learn, that He feels it adequate to absolutely shatter my life?
I have faith that I'll find out soon. But sometimes it's just a little ridiculous, isn't it , God?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What does He want?
It's kinda funny...I was searching for a job in London. I was certain that God had led me, or revealed an opportunity to me to work at a certain firm. This company was Christian and mission-based with an office near my house. I thought "GREAT!", the opportunity would have been absolutely perfect; it was in my field of study, near my house, good pay, good experience and allowed me to serve the Lord in some capacity. But God is a funny guy.
I was rejected from the job after being strung along for about 2 months. The company representative continuously sent emails saying that it was too early to make plans. Naively, I continued to believe that the job was God-given and I would be able to land it easily. It's funny because God never seems to work the way we think, we have a tendency as Christians or people in general to put God in a box. We set parameters for Him to work in and anything outside that box, we immediately throw out as being from the "devil" or from ourselves. But how little we know Him! It's said numerous times in the Bible that the things of God are not for human understanding, we can't explain God, can't define God and can't fully know God.
I thought God had given me something, but He closed the door. That was a little painful but people say that God will open another door somewhere, somewhere God has provided me with the perfect place to work, or spend time during the summer. I find it hilarious that God has such a close hand in our lives and we as people continue to, albeit unknowingly, push that hand away. This goes into my books under the heading "God's a funny guy", I mean no disrespect and I'm sure God gets a kick out of it anyway.
I hate how people get so serious about it. Whenever I use that particular phrase it seems to offend people or something. Is it disrespectful to say something like that?
Anyway, the job hunt is still on and I've applied to a couple positions with the government that may see me moving out to Toronto for the next four months or so. To be honest, I'd rather not go and leave the comfort of my family/house/city I've grown up with but God leads us to strange places and even stranger adventures. Here's hoping and praying that the place God leads me will fit me and He'll let me know about it soon...I fear that my head will explode from all the stress...
It's kinda funny...I was searching for a job in London. I was certain that God had led me, or revealed an opportunity to me to work at a certain firm. This company was Christian and mission-based with an office near my house. I thought "GREAT!", the opportunity would have been absolutely perfect; it was in my field of study, near my house, good pay, good experience and allowed me to serve the Lord in some capacity. But God is a funny guy.
I was rejected from the job after being strung along for about 2 months. The company representative continuously sent emails saying that it was too early to make plans. Naively, I continued to believe that the job was God-given and I would be able to land it easily. It's funny because God never seems to work the way we think, we have a tendency as Christians or people in general to put God in a box. We set parameters for Him to work in and anything outside that box, we immediately throw out as being from the "devil" or from ourselves. But how little we know Him! It's said numerous times in the Bible that the things of God are not for human understanding, we can't explain God, can't define God and can't fully know God.
I thought God had given me something, but He closed the door. That was a little painful but people say that God will open another door somewhere, somewhere God has provided me with the perfect place to work, or spend time during the summer. I find it hilarious that God has such a close hand in our lives and we as people continue to, albeit unknowingly, push that hand away. This goes into my books under the heading "God's a funny guy", I mean no disrespect and I'm sure God gets a kick out of it anyway.
I hate how people get so serious about it. Whenever I use that particular phrase it seems to offend people or something. Is it disrespectful to say something like that?
Anyway, the job hunt is still on and I've applied to a couple positions with the government that may see me moving out to Toronto for the next four months or so. To be honest, I'd rather not go and leave the comfort of my family/house/city I've grown up with but God leads us to strange places and even stranger adventures. Here's hoping and praying that the place God leads me will fit me and He'll let me know about it soon...I fear that my head will explode from all the stress...
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