You think you know, but you have no idea...(extra points again if you know where this is from)


Sorry about my absolutely crazy long hiatus from blogging. Life had taken an unexpected turn and I was hardpressed to find a reason to continue this blog. I won't get into the details but if you know what happened then you know what happened, if you don't then feel free to call/text/msn me and I'll let you in on the big secret. But that's not the reason for this post...the reason for this post is a very common occurrence that I've been finding more and more annoying lately. Mostly because it's happened to me, happened to people close to me and I think enough is really enough. This, of course, is the issue of people making assumptions and thinking that they know you when they really don't. I'm not about to go on a tirade about how unfair it is and whine/cry about it, but I'll get down to the meat of the issue. We ALL do this, there is not one person in the entire world that has not done this or is not guilty of this. It really comes down to human nature, we cannot possibly take the time to get to know every single person in our lives well enough, so we general, compartmentalize and form assumptions about people in order to keep them in order. Where this seemingly harmless organizing mechanism turns vile is when it is attached or partnered with an event, or emotions.

One such case is with a friend of mine that used to party a lot and go out a lot. He was not necessarily looking for trouble, looking to "score" or even looking to look at girls. BUT by virtue of him going out so much, people began to make assumptions about his character, about his integrity and about his personal life most of all. I hate to say it but most of the people who looked at him with such disdain and such condescension were Christians. Now, if you've been diligently reading my blogs and such, you'll soon discover a pattern of similar tirades. In my mind, the current church structure and attitude of the people is a divisive one, not because we mean to and not because we're mean people, but simply because we take portions of our upbringing and culture with us into our "Christian lives" and our beliefs. We are so entwined with our culture and upbringing that we mistake these feelings and views for the "Christian" way of seeing things. That is the thing which I find the most abhorrent about "contemporary Chinese Christianity" but that's for another blog post entirely. Anyway, my friend was quite put off by all the negative attention that he was getting because of his apparently "reckless" and "godless" lifestyle, when all he really did was go out with his friends and have his fun.

If we truly claim to be Christ-like in our faith, and truly claim to be followers in His likeness, then how come we cannot cease these assumptions? People assumed my friend to be a party-er who loved drunkenness, loved defiling his body and loved sex. When does it stop? These assumptions create an impression which is next to impossible to break and very often, many people are so set in their ways of thinking that even if you were to go up to them and slap them in the face with reality, they would refuse reality unflinchingly. Why is it that those who claim to be "leaders" and "helpers" and "ambassadors for Christ" cease to do what He called us, and cease to act how He did? It is all together disappointing to see how far the apple has fallen from the Tree. There is, however, an opposite of this example which I have just recently discovered. The issue of drinking and partying is a long debated subject for us Asian Christians and its been beaten to a pulp now...it's a sore topic and people don't like to talk about it. What I've recently discovered is that this assumption problems happens in the very opposite arena from drinking. People tend to form an impression of someone's maturity level based on an event and are hard-pressed to let it go so that victim will never be able to change his or her level of maturity in the eyes of the those around them.

Let me give you an example. Say a person, let's name him George, meets a new group of Christian friends at a new fellowship in his school. George quickly makes friends and fits in pretty well. Then, a month later, he finds a girlfriend and begins to fall into a very physical relationship. His "friends" form an impression about him based on this and come to the conclusion that he is an immature boy who is only focused on the physical aspects of the world. This is a confidence killer. If we claim to be the body of Christ, why can't we act in unity? Why must we create these walls and hoops for people to jump through? If people are different in terms of maturity and focus, why do we expel them from our midst with our silence, cold shoulders and even colder glances? From this impression, George cannot escape and he is not allowed to grow any further, for no matter how much he grows, no matter how much he matures, that impression will follow him around and act as a proverbial glass ceiling to him. He is cut out of the "body" and left to his own devices.

From my personal experience, many of those who enter university and go to a fellowship at a new school with new people, there is about a 50% chance that they will be accepted into the new status quo and be able to continue with their growth in the Lord in the midst of a loving community. However, there are two sides of this loving community, as much as they love, they also reject. Many people I've talked to cite a seemingly vast chasm over which they cannot jump in order to be "part of the group", they say that the people in this fellowship or cell group are too "elitist" and "distant". First impressions are killers, but long-time impressions are suffocating. So here's the challenge for you all to throw what you think you knew about people out the window since people can surprise you. Look to yourself and examine yourself before the Lord and see if it is in your right to judge someone, to assume something about someone, or to joke around about someone. I think you'll quickly realize where we all fall short even if we're reaching to be like Him.